36.5°

Song of Songs 2:10 says,

“My beloved spoke and said to me, Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.”

More than a mere romantic confession, it is a pursuit by a love far different from any human affection—a divine, unconditional commitment that finds Gaeul in her darkest moment. My hope is that this same relentless love reaches out and touches every reader through her journey.

Song of Songs 2:10 says,

“My beloved spoke and said to me, Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.”

More than a mere romantic confession, it is a pursuit by a love far different from any human affection—a divine, unconditional commitment that finds Gaeul in her darkest moment. My hope is that this same relentless love reaches out and touches every reader through her journey.

36.5°C (Autumn 3), 2024

CHAPTER 2/3

She woke to the sound of snow rattling against the window. Saerong was there, sleeping at the foot of the bed.

"Gaeul, are you awake? Are you okay?"

"….."

Gaeul closed her eyes. Her head throbbed as if it might split.

"Gaeul, you know who I am, right?"

Without a word, Gaeul rested her head on Saerong’s shoulder. Saerong stayed silent too, leaning her head back against Gaeul’s. That silent weight allowed Gaeul’s heart to finally rest.

"Gaeul, I was so shocked last night. I saw the ambulance and saw someone who looked like you. I recognized the bracelet I gave you. I followed you all the way here."

"……"

"But what happened?? You’ve got to tell me later. I have to go to work soon. I’ll stop by again. Eat your meals well, okay?"

Gaeul wondered silently how Saerong had matured so much in such a short time.

Saerong left the room and collapsed against the door, sliding down to the floor. She massaged her legs, which were trembling.

"Let's go, quickly...!"

She stood up to leave and collided with someone.

"Argh...!"

A woman was huddled on a hospital bench right next to the door, sobbing.

"Heh... heh..."

"Ma'am, are you okay?"

The woman didn't respond. Saerong didn't have time to wait and left in a hurry. Shortly after, a doctor walked over.

"Are you the patient’s guardian?"

The woman looked up, her eyes brimming with tears.

…
…
...

"Hey, you son of a bitch! How could you do this to me? Huh? Answer me! Look me straight in the eye and tell me. What were you doing with that bitch?"

"So what? I cheated. Happy? If you don’t like it, get a divorce. We've only been married a month, but I'm sick of this already."

"Is that what you really want? Take that back!"

The man began to gather his clothes, scrambling to leave the house. Having lost all reason, the woman followed him, grabbed him by his collar, and shook him violently.

"Take that back! Say you're sorry! Say it right now!"

Slap!

The relentless, noisy struggle, which seemed as if it would never end, finally came to a close with the thunderous sound of the slap.

"Damn it, what rotten luck getting caught like this."

The man turned his back, slammed the front door shut with a violent force, and disappeared. He fled, and his cowardice followed him, trailing behind his shadow.

The woman was left alone. She held her hand to her stinging cheek and sat slumped on the floor. Her hair was tangled like a scouring pad, and her shoulders drooped like a withering, dying flower. Only a day ago, the woman’s eyes, which had sparkled like stars in the night sky, had been swallowed by deep darkness; now, a lifeless, dry void had settled into her eyes. Not a single tear came. Her mind was numb. Even the anger and the sorrow that had been in her heart, even those many emotions that had been running wild in a frenzy, lost their strength and grew quiet.

Eventually, a long time passed before the woman slowly moved her body and began to tidy up the house, which had been reduced to a scene of total wreckage. She picked up, with no strength left in her, a small object that had fallen in the corner of the kitchen—shattered dishes and crumpled clothes lay nearby—and brought it close to her out-of-focus eyes. On a white background, one red line, and right next to it, another line; the two lines announcing a pregnancy were trembling weakly in the woman's hand. The woman began to cry. The suppressed sorrow and pain, and the misery of her abandoned state, burst forth along with her tears. Even the cursed weeping of the child who had not yet seen the light of the world filled the lonely corner of the room, borrowed through the woman’s eyes and mouth. Tears flowed down, past the woman’s bruised knees, pooling into a puddle.

...

Late that night, she walked through the fallen leaves.

"Bastard... you son of a bitch..."

She sat on a bed of leaves, the cold wind cracking her skin. She let out a hollow, jagged laugh. And then, softly,

"...Ga...eul."

"Yes, Gaeul... Gaeul. When you come into the world later, let's call you Gaeul." (Autumn in English)

A new life was squirming inside the womb of an abandoned wife—a woman now destined to stand alone. The flickering light of a streetlamp quietly tapped the top of her head.

Blink, blink…
Blink, blink...

Piercing through the freezing dawn wind, the faint heat from the distant lightbulb reached out toward the woman. It comforted her calmly, as if to say, "I know you exist; I know your name."

...

Yeon-ui, Gaeul’s mother, who had been lost in a brief recollection, snapped back to reality. With her head bowed toward the floor, she slowly raised her hand and gripped the doorknob. However, Yeon-ui could not find the courage to open the door. The harsh words she had spat on Gaeul that morning pierced her own chest again.

The long years she had spent, doing her best as a single mother to raise her daughter so she would not fall short of anyone else, and the raw, ugly truth of her reality faced today, made her feel even more riddled with guilt. The sense of remorse, a feeling of despair as if she had faced this night once before. And one human who could not be forgotten—the seed of that bastard, Kim Gaeul.

She grew to resent Gaeul. Blaming her, she thought:

‘It is all your fault. If only you hadn't been planted in my womb, if only you hadn't come out to see the light of the world, if only you hadn't refused to listen to me and wandered astray, if only you hadn't ended up looking like your father.’

Before she knew it, her eyes were filled with angre, and Yeon-ui shoved the door open with all her might.

Entering the dimly lit hospital room, Yeon-ui’s heart began to throb faster with every step she took toward Gaeul.

"…You stupid bitch."

Messing around, never listening to a damn word I say, and now you end up like that. You look just like that bastard—not a damn bit of doubt whose daughter you are.

The shadow of her ex-husband, long gone, seemed to hover over her sleeping daughter, looming before Yeon-ui’s eyes. Feeling tightness in her chest, Yeon-ui clenched her fists and began to beat her own chest with all her might.

It’s so unfair… it’s all so damn unfair. All the blood and sweat I poured into getting us here. All the things I sacrificed to keep you afloat. How did I end up like this? I… how have I…"

Her own reflection caught her eye, blurred in the glass of the window: hair tangled, mouth sunken, shirt torn, eyes lost, tears welling up. She collapsed to the floor, grabbing a handful of her hair and tearing at it.

‘Abandoned.’
‘Garbage.’
‘Maggot.’

The words hammered inside her head, hateful whispers that weren't hers. It was a curse that had been eating her alive for nineteen years.

"Ah... ah..."
"Ah..."

Yeon-ui buried her face in the cold floor, struggling in agony as tears, snots, and saliva streamed down her nose and mouth. The meaning of life grew increasingly faint for her. She had gritted her teeth and held on until today, but she felt wretched, seeing herself as no different than she was on that Autumn night nineteen years ago. How many more nights of this pitch-black suffocation would she have to endure? She did not even hope for sunlight; she wondered if there would ever be a day when even a faint moonlight would touch her life. If the sky were to collapse this very instant, she felt she could go with a smile, relieved by the finality of it, happy to be crushed and done with it.

After crying for a long time in the agonizing night, Yeon-ui pulled herself up, approached the foot of the bed, and carefully took hold of her daughter’s feet.

"Mommy is sorry... Mommy is sorry..."
"I was wrong..."
"Please forgive me..."

The night was sinking deeper into darkness. As if it understood Yeon-ui’s heart, the snowstorm outside the window grew more ferocious. The winter snow and the deep night followed their own rhythm, sharing in her weeping.

Yeon-ui was not alone.

36.5°C (Autumn 3), 2024

CHAPTER 2/3

She woke to the sound of snow rattling against the window. Saerong was there, sleeping at the foot of the bed.

"Gaeul, are you awake? Are you okay?"

"….."

Gaeul closed her eyes. Her head throbbed as if it might split.

"Gaeul, you know who I am, right?"

Without a word, Gaeul rested her head on Saerong’s shoulder. Saerong stayed silent too, leaning her head back against Gaeul’s. That silent weight allowed Gaeul’s heart to finally rest.

"Gaeul, I was so shocked last night. I saw the ambulance and saw someone who looked like you. I recognized the bracelet I gave you. I followed you all the way here."

"……"

"But what happened?? You’ve got to tell me later. I have to go to work soon. I’ll stop by again. Eat your meals well, okay?"

Gaeul wondered silently how Saerong had matured so much in such a short time.

Saerong left the room and collapsed against the door, sliding down to the floor. She massaged her legs, which were trembling.

"Let's go, quickly...!"

She stood up to leave and collided with someone.

"Argh...!"

A woman was huddled on a hospital bench right next to the door, sobbing.

"Heh... heh..."

"Ma'am, are you okay?"

The woman didn't respond. Saerong didn't have time to wait and left in a hurry. Shortly after, a doctor walked over.

"Are you the patient’s guardian?"

The woman looked up, her eyes brimming with tears.

…
…
...

"Hey, you son of a bitch! How could you do this to me? Huh? Answer me! Look me straight in the eye and tell me. What were you doing with that bitch?"

"So what? I cheated. Happy? If you don’t like it, get a divorce. We've only been married a month, but I'm sick of this already."

"Is that what you really want? Take that back!"

The man began to gather his clothes, scrambling to leave the house. Having lost all reason, the woman followed him, grabbed him by his collar, and shook him violently.

"Take that back! Say you're sorry! Say it right now!"

Slap!

The relentless, noisy struggle, which seemed as if it would never end, finally came to a close with the thunderous sound of the slap.

"Damn it, what rotten luck getting caught like this."

The man turned his back, slammed the front door shut with a violent force, and disappeared. He fled, and his cowardice followed him, trailing behind his shadow.

The woman was left alone. She held her hand to her stinging cheek and sat slumped on the floor. Her hair was tangled like a scouring pad, and her shoulders drooped like a withering, dying flower. Only a day ago, the woman’s eyes, which had sparkled like stars in the night sky, had been swallowed by deep darkness; now, a lifeless, dry void had settled into her eyes. Not a single tear came. Her mind was numb. Even the anger and the sorrow that had been in her heart, even those many emotions that had been running wild in a frenzy, lost their strength and grew quiet.

Eventually, a long time passed before the woman slowly moved her body and began to tidy up the house, which had been reduced to a scene of total wreckage. She picked up, with no strength left in her, a small object that had fallen in the corner of the kitchen—shattered dishes and crumpled clothes lay nearby—and brought it close to her out-of-focus eyes. On a white background, one red line, and right next to it, another line; the two lines announcing a pregnancy were trembling weakly in the woman's hand. The woman began to cry. The suppressed sorrow and pain, and the misery of her abandoned state, burst forth along with her tears. Even the cursed weeping of the child who had not yet seen the light of the world filled the lonely corner of the room, borrowed through the woman’s eyes and mouth. Tears flowed down, past the woman’s bruised knees, pooling into a puddle.

...

Late that night, she walked through the fallen leaves.

"Bastard... you son of a bitch..."

She sat on a bed of leaves, the cold wind cracking her skin. She let out a hollow, jagged laugh. And then, softly,

"...Ga...eul."

"Yes, Gaeul... Gaeul. When you come into the world later, let's call you Gaeul." (Autumn in English)

A new life was squirming inside the womb of an abandoned wife—a woman now destined to stand alone. The flickering light of a streetlamp quietly tapped the top of her head.

Blink, blink…
Blink, blink...

Piercing through the freezing dawn wind, the faint heat from the distant lightbulb reached out toward the woman. It comforted her calmly, as if to say, "I know you exist; I know your name."

...

Yeon-ui, Gaeul’s mother, who had been lost in a brief recollection, snapped back to reality. With her head bowed toward the floor, she slowly raised her hand and gripped the doorknob. However, Yeon-ui could not find the courage to open the door. The harsh words she had spat on Gaeul that morning pierced her own chest again.

The long years she had spent, doing her best as a single mother to raise her daughter so she would not fall short of anyone else, and the raw, ugly truth of her reality faced today, made her feel even more riddled with guilt. The sense of remorse, a feeling of despair as if she had faced this night once before. And one human who could not be forgotten—the seed of that bastard, Kim Gaeul.

She grew to resent Gaeul. Blaming her, she thought:

‘It is all your fault. If only you hadn't been planted in my womb, if only you hadn't come out to see the light of the world, if only you hadn't refused to listen to me and wandered astray, if only you hadn't ended up looking like your father.’

Before she knew it, her eyes were filled with angre, and Yeon-ui shoved the door open with all her might.

Entering the dimly lit hospital room, Yeon-ui’s heart began to throb faster with every step she took toward Gaeul.

"…You stupid bitch."

Messing around, never listening to a damn word I say, and now you end up like that. You look just like that bastard—not a damn bit of doubt whose daughter you are.

The shadow of her ex-husband, long gone, seemed to hover over her sleeping daughter, looming before Yeon-ui’s eyes. Feeling tightness in her chest, Yeon-ui clenched her fists and began to beat her own chest with all her might.

It’s so unfair… it’s all so damn unfair. All the blood and sweat I poured into getting us here. All the things I sacrificed to keep you afloat. How did I end up like this? I… how have I…"

Her own reflection caught her eye, blurred in the glass of the window: hair tangled, mouth sunken, shirt torn, eyes lost, tears welling up. She collapsed to the floor, grabbing a handful of her hair and tearing at it.

‘Abandoned.’
‘Garbage.’
‘Maggot.’

The words hammered inside her head, hateful whispers that weren't hers. It was a curse that had been eating her alive for nineteen years.

"Ah... ah..."
"Ah..."

Yeon-ui buried her face in the cold floor, struggling in agony as tears, snots, and saliva streamed down her nose and mouth. The meaning of life grew increasingly faint for her. She had gritted her teeth and held on until today, but she felt wretched, seeing herself as no different than she was on that Autumn night nineteen years ago. How many more nights of this pitch-black suffocation would she have to endure? She did not even hope for sunlight; she wondered if there would ever be a day when even a faint moonlight would touch her life. If the sky were to collapse this very instant, she felt she could go with a smile, relieved by the finality of it, happy to be crushed and done with it.

After crying for a long time in the agonizing night, Yeon-ui pulled herself up, approached the foot of the bed, and carefully took hold of her daughter’s feet.

"Mommy is sorry... Mommy is sorry..."
"I was wrong..."
"Please forgive me..."

The night was sinking deeper into darkness. As if it understood Yeon-ui’s heart, the snowstorm outside the window grew more ferocious. The winter snow and the deep night followed their own rhythm, sharing in her weeping.

Yeon-ui was not alone.

Your cart is empty

Your cart

Estimated total

36.5°C (Autumn 3), 2024

36.5°C (Autumn 3), 2024

Detail image of 36.5°C (Autumn 3), 2024

Work in progress (36.5°C (Autumn 3), 2024)